it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
