Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
