:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
