I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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