Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Randomize
