If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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