i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
