your parents love me but you hate me
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
honey bunches of taint.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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