Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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