I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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