i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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