Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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