Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
