so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
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