I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
