Where is the hickey?
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
