I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
