I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
