Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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