I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
