My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
