Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
