I got chris browned last night
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Randomize
