Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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