the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
