I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
