Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
a search helicopter?!
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Randomize
