Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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