don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
