im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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