Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
