I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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