The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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