he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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