he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
