i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
