Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
