porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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