I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
