Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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