You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
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