you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
