What a fucking waste of an outfit
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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