I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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