The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
