So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
