I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
