this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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