I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
