If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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