He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
