God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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