i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
