just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
if you like me you must not know who I am
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
